The phone rang. and rang. and… rang. It kept ringing until my sister finally gave up and pushed "end call." My dad not picking up the phone, was not surprising. Even on christmas, leave it to my dad to ignore us. To be honest, he's a nice person, or at least was. But this christmas, is exactly like the last three. I wouldn't have it that way. I wouldn't let him win. As we were driving to my grandmas house, I begged my already pissed off sister to stop off at dads house. She wouldn't go in, it wasn't safe for her kids. I trudged across the porch. Not caring what awaited me on the other side. I knocked on the door until my knuckles throbbed with needles. He wasn't going to win, he wasn't going to get away that easy. I pounded harder, sure someone would come. And sure enough someone did. Now to someone else, what happens next would have been extremely weird, and creepy, but to me it was something I just expected. A fat haggard looking man opened the door. He looked at me, like I was a cop. I guess my appearance is not something they see everyday. I actually take showers, this guy doesn't even own deodorant. I ignored him, I ignored the random pregnant lady in my old room glaring at me. I just kept walking, straight to my dad's room. Which was of course locked. Took a while for him to open, but me just being there really made him get nervous. I could tell he was trying to come up with excuses for his absence in my life. I grilled him, asking him questions after the next. "Anne tried calling, why didn't you pick up?" his eyes darted to the phone next to him.
"Some of the people here, were using it." Liar.
"Okay, well we're going to Grandmas because she's alone. Are you coming with us?"
He hesitated. wiped his forehead, and stared at the wall behind me.
"I'm busy" he said real fast.
"with what?"
"I'm helping people who are in jail make phone calls to their family" he said this, like he was helping with a charity, making a fat donation.
"What about your family?"
"I'm talking to dani on the phone." My dad chose his white trash drug abusing jail rotting wife, instead of me.
"What about me?" Before I even said it, I knew how stupid I was for asking him that. He didn't have a clue, how much he's hurt me. How much, I always ask myself that same question every night.
He took a deep breath and got up to hug me, I always gave in. I could't refuse my dad, the memories of him and I were just to strong. This time was different. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because I had't eaten anything all day, or maybe because I was coming down from a chocolate buzz, or maybe it was just finally time to walk away. And that's exactly what I did. I didn't cry, and hold my arms out. I rejected his hold, and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The scary part is, I'm not even sorry.
My christmas sounds horrible, but surprisingly it was great. I got to see my grandma, hold my nephew, and draw with my niece. I also got to see how strong I truly can be.
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