Write a Riff

How do I break a habit that's not mine? This habit follows me, trying to break me. But what if I'm already broken. Is she trying to smash the broken pieces into dust. Turn me into sand and watch me blow away. How do I stop this? Does it have a name? Why does she do this to me? the evil consumes her, turns a laugh into a cackle. Turns the air as cold as her heart. For what will not break me, builds me. I am strong, I can feel her fear. I see her hatred. Only evil understands this hatred I feel. Only evil can understand these questions. 

Fast Write

The moon light shown bright, casting gray shadows. Snow was swallowing my black flats during the slippery trudge up the hill. The breeze chilled the soul, taking the last bit of heat away. My mind was set on the scene, above me stood a cross. Recognizable from my young life. My black dressed flowed in the winter night. The weather would not stop me from looking presentable to my grandfather, for this I owed him at least. Cold dense cement stairs lead the way. Emotionally I was unprepared. The warm welcoming of the light guided me to where I belonged. The pews were the exact ancient way I had remembered, although this time I was here by choice. The only thing different was my grandfather. Instead of smiling beside me, he stood still behind glass. Forever paused as a memory. My brother hugged me. I needed that, for everything around me felt so distant.

Remember

I always look forward to the big things in life. My first car, my graduation, going to college, and of course my first love. We all believe that there's always something bigger, something better beyond what we have. What I really want to remember is all the little things that make my life worth living. 

The little things that help me wake up in the morning. The smile that my nephew gives me, that makes me wonder how long his innocence will last. I want to remember that feeling of when my crush smiles at me in the hall, whether that was freshman year or now. The feeling of being a kid, flying on swings just to feel the rush of wind against my face, as my feet kick the sky. I'll aways remember my friends, and most of all my enemies, who forced me to be stronger. I'll remember the first time I took the subway, I was scared shitless because my teacher got stuck in the doors.  I'll always remember to bring my dignity to a party, or else you'll be puking it up later.

Most of all I will remember my grandpa who taught me how to forgive. If I could pick anything to remember it would be forgiveness. It repairs the heart, and makes me confident that nothing or no one can give me. Forgiveness is easier said than done, at times I loose this, but sense the day my grandpa died I respect myself and others. Hopefully with forgiveness we can all grow to be happy. 

What makes me scream

what makes me want to scream as a teenage girl?

Trying to fit in, and look pretty. To always know the right answer in a world that doesn't actually care. What makes me want to scream, is the fact that when I do, no one listens, That I am somebody, maybe not as beautiful or as funny, but I am worth knowing. What makes me want to scream? Oblivious guys and ruthless girls. People who decide who I should be before they actually know anything about me.